‘iced chocolate’

I got a job at ‘Sollys Bagelry’ and I love it.  Almost all the staff is new and everyone is more then awesome. An average day has me working 8 hrs then planting my ass in a blenz buying overly priced chocolate milk and reading my Margret Atwood. Sometime I come home and one of my wonderful roommates has prepared dinner for everyone, and not macaroni either, like high class, excellent healthy and delicious food. Then I spend some time on the computer and this is when the best cat ever comes into my room, sits on my lap and drools, drools all over me. She is kickass. Life is good. Life is weird away from PG, but its good and its better and it will be even better once im in school.

new place

Im living in my new home!

On Thursday night, I left PG and took the Greyhound to Vancouver, taking as much crap, shoved in as few bags, as possible! Its such a great place, the location is just unreal, frickin 4th ave and friggin broadway SO close. My roommates are great, very friendly but not ‘all up in my grill’ friendly.  My room is pretty awesome, wood paneling! 

                                                

 Im already missing home and getting kind of lonely/bored.  I cant wait for school to start and to have some people to befriend! Ive been passing out resumes, so hopefully I get working soon, im sorta looking forward to it, but sorta not, at the same time.. grr.

Ive spent the last couple days just wondering around town, walking from 3-6 hrs a day.  Playing alot of ‘Diner Dash 2′ because i like to practice my waitressing skillz. Kind of gives me wrist cramps when I play too long on this stupid mouse less laptop though.

300!?!

Man, this time next week Ill be sleeping in my new home!

 Ive been thinking alot about what kind of part time job im going to be looking for, Ive been spoiled with my freedom these past two months and am NOT looking forward to going back to work. Ill have to go back to waitressing If I want to have enough money to live semi-comfortably and not rely on my savings. But what i really want to do, is to not get a job and to instead try and go hardcore selling my clothes. This month, Ive sold 15 pieces, with a average profit of about 20 dollars each, so I made about 300. Which is not bad, but ummm.. not enough for rent and food and concert tickets! But if I get a normal job, I wont really be able to have the time off I need to be a concert whore. Uggg.. ANYWAYZ, Im getting less anxious and more excited about moving. Its going to be great, I have to remember that.

apricots

I love dried apricots. Lastnight I needed something to snack on so I raided the cupboards and found some dried apricots, i was alittle afraid that they were really really old because I dont remember my mom ever buying them. But hey, I ate them anyway.. and they was delicious and so I bought some more today. they are awesome, I hate buying an apricot and having to wait for it to be the correct softness before eating it, with these bastards they are ready to go, just popem in and chew.. good stuff! 

Allisa and I went and saw the Batman movie today. Im not really into crap like that, but it turns out it was really entertaining! One of the best movies Ive seen in a while actually (man thats sad).

I cant listen to ‘crimewave’ by crystal castles enough. fuck, so excellent.

the family home

Im getting extremely anxious about moving. I thought I could make it through without being a spaz, but it just aint going to happen.  Im pretty freaked, fuck. The good thing is that I really dont have all that much to bring, a box of clothes, my CDS ( which will probably be brought down sometime next month by a friend of my aunts), a few blankets and pillows, a towel or two, serger & sewing machine, cd player, paint, mini easel.. man, when I list it like that it seems like a lot.  Im just freaked about the idea of leaving ‘the family home’ and ALL that that means. meaning ill have to buy my own toothpaste. meaning ill have to cook for myself. meaning leaving my mom and my sister, who are my best friends.. leaving max … leaving the only town ive ever known… leaving grace..

who left the alexander keiths?

On Monday, I was a little messed up, decided to go up to CH to see his special place, to go to the rock.  It was alittle strange walking up there, Ive only been up there in the winter. They are building a house RIGHT behind the place, so I was alittle nervous that someone would be like “what the hell are you doing” but I just walked around the construction area and no one noticed me.  When I was less than 50 feet away I just got this weird feeling, and I was like “shit, what if someone is there” and sure enough I peaked over the grassy hill and there someone was, sitting on his rock, someone I didnt know, puffing on a cigarette. I was less then 10 feet away, but they werent facing me, so they didnt see, I turned around and went home, thinking, I picked the least original day to go up there.

So I went back yesterday, it was lovely.  Its so peaceful there. Im glad that I got to know him and Im sad that hes gone.  But im not going to let this fuck up my life anymore then it already has.

Ill probably never go back there, I figured Id go one last time before I moved, really I dont know when Ill ever be back intown again, other then the occasional holiday family visit.  And strangely enough Im okay with that, im at total peace with pretty much everything in my life, its the strangest feeling.  I told Grace the other day, ‘im happier now then I ever remember being’, and now i regret saying that, its not that its not true, its just that its not exactly accurate.  What I am isnt really ‘happy’, I just feel like I can do anything, if I want something I can make it happen, I have a whole new sense of confidence in myself. 

Today I volunteered for lunch at Saint Vinnies and Gloria was there!! I was so glad to see her. I havent seen anyone from the cafe since I left.  I was going to go stop by the cafe, but I have some weird nerotic thing where I just DONT want to hang out at places where I work or use to work… makes me feel weird… and apparently most of the ‘original’ cafers are gone.. either layed off or quit. that place is going to the dogs, man. pfffffft.  i miss everyone though. good good people.

come on everybody do the hamster dance!

Today I went to the Roll-a-dome with Allisa and Sadie. It was fun, I guess, love the nostalgic feeling I get listening to the horrible 90s music they play.  I havent heard the chicken dance or cotten eye joe.. in years! I have a few minor injuries from falling, one time crashing into Sadie, unintentionally bringing her to the ground with me.  I felt like a fool when little eight year old children would skate past me backwards while I struggled to stay upright.  Not my thing really, anything that requires the smallest amount of athletic skill is just not my thing.  I also came to the grim conclusion that I need to get my ass into shape, after fifteen minutes I was sweating all over the place.  Uggg.

ok heres pictures:

something invisible is gone

   I kept thinking.. its the 15th, its the 15th… it happened on the 15th. But I just realized, it didnt, thats just when I found out.

   Yesterday I listened to Built to Spill for the first time in a year with out wanting to cry. It actually made me happy. Thinking of him makes me happy now, even a couple months ago that would have seen unimaginable, but im happy to say im in a good place, my head is in a good place.  

  I feel weird expressing how I miss him, because what we had seemed so cheap. I mean if two other people had what we had, it would have been cheap, but instead it was me and him and it was beautiful and cute and confusing and innocent and dumb and magical. But I feel, or at least I did feel for the first six plus months, like this outsider weirdo who didnt even know him, like what happened didnt really happen, like I was completely insane.  Keeping all that crap in was hard, I wish I hadnt. There were times I thought I would explode, like no one understood what I was going through.  I couldnt open up to people who didnt know him, because they just had no idea what I was going through, and I couldnt talk to people who did know him because I felt like a fool, like they knew him so much better then I did and that I had no idea what THEY were going through. 

   And now its been a year, and I miss him, and I love him, but its easier now then it was before. I just hope its easier for everyone because he was (is) loved SO hard by so many wonderful people. But now its time to live my life, “things arent just going to happen, you need to make them happen”.

the value village hotties of the past

Fuck, i need to piss so badly, but my sister is showering, she always showers at midnight (what the fuck)  We have these incredibly massive mugs at our house and I just finished a cup full of green/jasmine tea and it makes my bladder so full it hurts.  I have resorted to the green/jasmine tea because i finished off the last of the heavenly ‘chia honey vanilla’ tea.  which was kind of problematic because to make that stuff the best it can be you must add a shit load of sugar and milk, and since im unemployed and lazy, Ive spent the last couple days in bed reading and drinking tea, so ALL that milk and ALL the sugar adds up and makes me feel gross. PLUS it makes me extra mucusy.. as i have a cold.. and its the most flemy cold ive had to date! fuck. im coughing up snot.  wow, this is a classy post.

I did leave the house this morning. Allisa and I went ‘Villaging’. They changed that place around, everything is different! im pretty sure it had been the same since I was a little kid and my mom would drag me there.  Now the fabrics in the toy section and the man clothes are where the books should be and its bad, bad news. I hate change. I also hate value village and there ridiculous prices, but its been the staple place that me and allisa would go in the summer… we’d be bored and shed say… hey wanna go to value village? one summer (3 yrs ago?) we would go there multiple times a week. Id never really care about buying anything, I just wanted to go because of all the cute boys that worked there.  There was that one kid with the blonde dreadlocks (who years later turned out to be the bestfriend of my first ‘boyfriend’ *AKWARD), then that dark haired skinny kid who always looked so sad.. i think he dressed up like a FBI agent for one halloween, I saw him on the bus sometimes.. I had a major crush.  Oh and then of course there was Ryan, before I knew he was Ryan. Those were the days, when i would go to value village to scout out the hotties.

 

Today and yesterdays topz:

lay in bed all day and dont feel guilty about it because you have a slight cold

Today was a “lay in bed all day and dont feel guilty about it because you have a slight cold” kind of day.  Yesterday Diandra was telling us about how a few years ago she got begbugs and so now im super paranoid. Lastnight I found this weird bug on my beg and then immediately google imaged begbugs to compare. It was NOT a begbug, despite the fact that it was a bug and it was on my bed.

  Im starting to imagine what my life will be like when I move out.  I havent decided if I should just take advantage of the fact that there are always leftovers in the fridge or if i should try and attempt to teach myself to cook. The latter seems so unappealing, ill know how when the time comes…. or just eat alot of toast.  Also, Im starting to think about what i will and will not bring with me.. kind of stressful!

todays shirt, bad picture my camera is fucked up