On Monday, I was a little messed up, decided to go up to CH to see his special place, to go to the rock. It was alittle strange walking up there, Ive only been up there in the winter. They are building a house RIGHT behind the place, so I was alittle nervous that someone would be like “what the hell are you doing” but I just walked around the construction area and no one noticed me. When I was less than 50 feet away I just got this weird feeling, and I was like “shit, what if someone is there” and sure enough I peaked over the grassy hill and there someone was, sitting on his rock, someone I didnt know, puffing on a cigarette. I was less then 10 feet away, but they werent facing me, so they didnt see, I turned around and went home, thinking, I picked the least original day to go up there.
So I went back yesterday, it was lovely. Its so peaceful there. Im glad that I got to know him and Im sad that hes gone. But im not going to let this fuck up my life anymore then it already has.
Ill probably never go back there, I figured Id go one last time before I moved, really I dont know when Ill ever be back intown again, other then the occasional holiday family visit. And strangely enough Im okay with that, im at total peace with pretty much everything in my life, its the strangest feeling. I told Grace the other day, ‘im happier now then I ever remember being’, and now i regret saying that, its not that its not true, its just that its not exactly accurate. What I am isnt really ‘happy’, I just feel like I can do anything, if I want something I can make it happen, I have a whole new sense of confidence in myself.
Today I volunteered for lunch at Saint Vinnies and Gloria was there!! I was so glad to see her. I havent seen anyone from the cafe since I left. I was going to go stop by the cafe, but I have some weird nerotic thing where I just DONT want to hang out at places where I work or use to work… makes me feel weird… and apparently most of the ‘original’ cafers are gone.. either layed off or quit. that place is going to the dogs, man. pfffffft. i miss everyone though. good good people.
